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In the world's longest running sitcom, the senior delinquents of the Yorkshire Dales continue to resist growing wiser with age. Who else when caught playing Statues in a field would claim to be fertility figures blessing the harvest? Who else would surrender to Norah's charms at the taste of her fruitcake? And where else would a pickle-factory worker sail a swan boat in order to be taken seriously? Peter Sallis, Frank Thornton, Brian Murphy and Keith Clifford star as Clegg, Truly, Alvin and Billy in ten wonderfully silly episodes, plus the 2005 Christmas Special, Merry Entwistle and Jackson Day.
1. THE SWAN MAN OF ILKLEY
Lennie from the pickle factory (Bobby Ball, the smaller half of the comic duo Cannon & Ball) wants to be taken seriously, and has decided that sailing a swan boat will improve his image. The lads come across him up to his neck in the canal, the boat having deflated. Naturally, they immediately decide to give him a helping hand, thus dooming any prospect he ever had of success.
Meanwhile, Smiler admits to once having been interested in water sports (he kept a goldfish), Alvin reveals he nearly married Rita Hayworth (Rita Hayworth from Macclesfield, not Hollywood), and Alvin and Norah are learning to line- dance!
2. WATCHING THE CLOCK
Clegg has bet Old McDermot that the Tollgate clock can be seen over the hills from the top of a certain tree. Unfortunately, after proving he is right, he finds that getting up the tree is much easier than coming down. Before Truly can devise a rescue plan with Alvin and Billy, they have to hide when Howard and Marina approach in search of a nice quiet spot. Meanwhile, Nora Batty, Ivy, Glenda and Pearl buy an old oven for the Church kitchen from Auntie Wainwright. Her delivery men Smiler and Tom have some trouble controlling their handcart due to the weight of the oven, and attract the attention of the police. Back at the tree, all Alvins efforts to rescue Clegg have been in vain, so he decides to leave it to Howard. With a good strong rope and the help of Truly and his men on the other end, what can possibly go wrong?
3. HAS ANYONE SEEN A PERUVIAN WART?
Renowned ladies man Crowcroft (Roy Barraclough) is in the area to speak on flower arranging. Billy is keen to foist his sister-in-law on him, but rest of the lads think he should first practice on Norah Batty. Crowcroft shows no inclination of succumbing to Norahs natural charms until he tastes her fruit cake. It is said to possess uncanny powers over men and Crowcroft is suitably smitten. However, Norah refuses to trust men with bow ties, and so Crowcrofts attempts to woo her accompanied by Truly, Billy and Alvin playing Moon River are doomed to failure. And, if he cant get past first curler with Norah, he is clearly not man enough to tackle Billys sister-in-law. Meanwhile, Howard is up a ladder trying to speak to Clegg, who is in his study typing. Unfortunately, he falls off without Clegg even noticing.
4. HERMIONE ?
Clegg is writing his memoirs, and Howard is worried that he will include details of his scandalous relationship with Marina. Meanwhile, the lovesick Smiler seems even more miserable than usual. Tom and Entwistle discover he has received a Dear John letter from Hermione and conclude she has found her glasses. Barry assures Glenda that at work poking your ears with paper-clips is an optional activity. Mr Teesdale (the Repo Man) cadges a lift into town with Barry and then causes mayhem as they try to repossess the wrong Volkswagen. The ladies are surprised to hear that Norah Batty might have been a GI bride, as she went out with an American she met at the ammunition factory during World War II. Finally, the trip down Memory Lane leads Clegg, Truly, Billy and Alvin to reflect that, when they attended the funeral of a local man called Venables, it was probably the wrong Venables. .
5. WHOS THAT MOUSE IN THE POETRY GROUP?
Truly is intrigued by the likeness of Smiler to an intellectual Professor he saw on television last night. Tom wonders if beneath Smilers miserable expression there could be a giant brain, and takes him to see Miss Davenport at the library to give him a crash course. Truly, Alvin, Billy and Entwistle re-enact playing at statues, which they did at school. While in a field proving that they can stay motionless, Clegg has to explain to two gullible walkers (Penelope Jay and former Sixties popstar Jess Conrad) that they are, in fact, fertility figures to encourage a good harvest. At Miss Davenports Poetry Group, Smiler pretends to be an intellectual to impress Marina, prompting Howard to go to rodent-like lengths to keep an eye on them. .
6. AVAILABLE FOR WEDDINGS
Taking a short cut, Clegg cycles down a hillside and ends up with a fractured foot after encountering a wall. Truly decides that the accident could have been avoided if they had used studded tyres, and promptly puts in hand a practical demonstration of his theory Smiler is considering selling the old US automobile to Auntie Wainwright, but Tom says that the car should be used for weddings but who would fancy Smiler as a bride? And Barry tells Glenda he feels the call of the wild and appears in interesting shorts.
7. THE MCDONAGHS OF JAMIESON STREET
Smiler recalls a war-time encounter with Mavis McDonagh, who told him to look her up sometime but forgot to leave her address. While he wonders what would have happened had he met her again, Truly fearlessly dispatches Alvin and Billy to make door-to-door enquiries to try to track her down. They hit a snag when they remember that all the residents of Jamieson Street (where Mavis used to live) were rehoused when it was demolished. Howard is having an ageing crisis and worries that his looks may be declining, but its a waste of time seeking reassurance from Pearl. He decides a beard might be the answer. Aided by Nora Batty and Glenda, the hunt for Mavis continues in Pepworth Street. Barry is playing with his lap-top, giving Glenda an opportunity to borrow his precious car. Billy is attacked by a dog and his trousers are ripped to shreds which makes him realize why Robin Hood wore tights! Glenda lends him a skirt to cover up for his ride home in the back of Entwistles truck, which leads to a further dashing of Smilers romantic hopes. .
8. THE AFTERTHOUGHTS OF A CO-OP MANAGER
When Barry jokingly tells the unloved Repo Man (Christopher Beeny) that his wife might leap into his arms if she were frightened by a masked man, he is taken seriously and invited to do the deed. Clegg is still researching names for his memoirs and cannot remember who was his boss at the Co-op. The trail leads Truly to Billy Pilsworth, and Marina reveals that she once had a close relationship with the son, Ronald. Armed with this information, Truly tells Marina that she shouldnt be seen with another man, as Ronald went to Australia to forget her. Howard is not at all happy about this development. Meanwhile, Alvin tries prove his athletic prowess by leaping a river and gets wet, and Billy proves that having much longer legs still gets you wet. As usual, the best-laid plans of the Holmfirth men go disastrously wrong and the masked Repo Man is arrested by the police while trying to frighten his wife. However, Clegg identifies the Co-op Manager and is surprised to find out he was a gallant war hero.
9. LOT NUMBER 8
While Entwhistle is getting Miss Davenport to take an interest in truck maintenance, Glenda is worried that Barry looks married and asks the ladies what puts a sparkle into a relationship. Overcome by the smell of a real bargain, Auntie Wainwright makes successful bid at the auction rooms, only to discover when they are finally delivered that she has bought four coffins. She has no idea what to do with them, but the lads think one would make a great racing trolley
10 . LITTLE ORPHAN HOWARD
Clegg tells the gullible Howard his mother was called Hetty, not Elsie, and that he was found on a doorstep as a baby. While Howard tries to come to terms with this, Alvin comes to terms with the fact that his kite wont fly and Entwistle tries his hand at fishing. . Meanwhile, Nora and Ivy purchase a piano from Aunty Wainwright, and Smiler and Tom are roped in to deliver it to the village hall.
11. 2005 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: MERRY ENTWISTLE AND JACKSON DAY
The ageing delinquents are up to their old tricks again! Classic comedy actor Sir Norman Wisdom makes his farewell TV appearance in the world's longest-running sitcom. Truly tries to find an old classmate and deliver her to Clegg's doorstep in this seasonal special. Starring Peter Sallis, Frank Thornton, Kathy Staff, Keith Clifford, Dora Bryan, Mike Grady, Jean Alexander Stephen Lewis, Burt Kwouk, Brian Murphy
|Run Time:||Approx. 330 minutes|
|Starring:||Peter Sallis;Frank Thornton;Kathy Staff;Keith Clifford;Dora Bryan|
|Cast:||Starring Peter Sallis, Frank Thornton, Kathy Staff, Keith Clifford, Dora Bryan, Mike Grady, Jean Alexander Stephen Lewis, Burt Kwouk, Brian Murphy|
|Episodes:||10 Episodes +Christmas Special|
|Number of Discs:||2|